Solitude

One of the reasons I enjoy my long runs is that I get periods of alone time - though getting those feet out of the door can be a challenge sometimes.

Today as I started to immerse joyfully in my solitude, I question myself, why I enjoy this running alone with myself so much. 

I realized that I get to be my most authentic self - my jubiliant moments when I run well; my run-down states (pun intended) that I accept with grace as I plough on, soaked in perspiration and in all unkemptness. I accept my highs and lows during the run. I see my own performances in my runs, whether they are of quality or not. I see my efforts - when I push on despite the exhaustion and pain; when I slack off even though I could do so much more... And so my runs are those times I see and accept myself for who I am, and what I could do next as the rambles of thoughts go on silently in my mind.

When we are with people, we tend to put on a different self.

I ask myself how much we are ourselves when with others, and even our loved ones.

Can we afford to be our most authentic selves, even with our loved ones?

I learnt about self-love and self-value by being the most authentic self in order to atttract goodness in life from the book I was reading last evening. And today, I faced my own question as I ran.

I mean, there must be some form of pretence, or at least the slightest shield or veil we use when interacting with others, be it reasons due to professionalism, work, maintaining cordial relationships, assuming certain responsiblities and accountabilities when with others. Can we really shed it all and still escape unhurt, or best, emerge victorious? I am not sure.

How authentic can we be, without costing our relationships and effective functions in life when dealing with others?

Perhaps I will deal more with this question in another long run.

I Consider Myself Not a Serious Runner

In the eyes of runners in general, I am likely not a serious one. 

Even when training for events, the max number of runs I do per week is two these days. I would add in hikes and climbs and regular yoga stretches, but I don't think I run enough to "train" for the events.

My best timing for a 10K race is 1:08 and that was more than ten years ago and when I thought I was seriously running enough about 2-3 times per week.

To a regular park brisk-walker, I was merely doing "walks" whenever we crossed each other paths (which I  hadn't for a very long time). She used to ask me "How much have you walked already?" in Mandarin. 

In my mind (and heart of course) I would have corrected silently to the motion of "run".

If I were not walking, then seriously others might describe my gait and pace equivalent to a jog. 

I am slow. I could do a 8 minute per KM pace.

Sometimes when I wanted amp up my speed and cardio however, I would gear up to 7/7+ minute per KM.

It depends on my objective that day though it may change with mood and actual performance, or even the weather.

Regardless, I still consider myself a RUNNER. No matter how slow my pace or the distance. My approach, and fondness, as well as familiarity of this activity renders myself a RUNNER, a character that I recognize myself to me, and the only importance that holds.